no name (gackt85) wrote in anti_ana,
no name

Hello, everyone!

I discovered this community when looking for a place where I can find some support. I'm 23 and really don't know what to do.

It all started two years ago when my boyfriend cheated on me and left. I just came back from the US where I gained weight. I am 5'4" and I was about 125 lbs back then. I was feeling ugly because I was too fat and began to starve myself. Eventually I got down to 100 lbs, my hips were 34 inches. My bones are pretty heavy since I was about 100 lbs only when I was 15. I have never thought about anorexia before the day I didn't find a pair of jeans my size when shopping.
But didn't wanted to accept the fact this could turn out somehow worse. Everybody around were telling me I looked all skin and bones. But I didn't pay attention coz being skinny really was making me happy and confident enough. I even got some proposals from modelling agencies to model in Asia.

Thanks god I met a perfect guy and we got married. After the marriage I gained some and currently my weight is around 116 lbs. I understand that this is quite normal weight but I sometimes I feel very fat. It's almost no longer possible to fit in a dozens of my skinny jeans of 0 size and I feel scary about buying a new pair one size bigger. It's like a nightmare when you are not skinny anymore and there is no self-esteem coming from that side. I know that it isn't anorexia yet, but it appears to be the beginning. I am about to start starving again in order to get back to that look again. Anyone who's been through this?

Thank you.
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