god_luvs_us (god_luvs_us) wrote in anti_ana,

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Hope I Can Help



I'm new and a little computer user un-friendly, please bear with me.  thanks.  Here's what I wrote in my journal:

First, I'm so happy I found this site. I don't know if I have an ED, but I am overweight, I am definitely an emotional eater and I may have a sugar addition (still not sure). I came across (accidentally) the other "pro ana" community and felt so compelled to help these girls and guys. I don't know if my experience will help anyone but I feel I must try. I am a recovering addict - 3 1/2 years sober. I am interested in the "addiction aspect of ana/mia" - being addicted to loosing weight. Being an addict, I can totally related to the hiding and wanting to protect your disease, the guilt,  that no one else "understands", feeling judged, the controlling behaviors (counting calories, planning menus, etc.), the suicidal thoughts and behaviors, the self-hatred, the hopelessness and the despair. For me to recover, I had to surrender to a form of recovery and get a higher power. I'm very happy now. My life is manageable, for the most part, and I have people surrounding me that really care and love me. My family trusts me completely again, which has been one of the biggest rewards. I hope I can help. Thanks and God Bless.


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Thanks for replying. In all of my 45 years, I have never heard of anyone becoming "addicted" to God or any other higher power. Maybe I misunderstood you.(?)All 12 Step Recovery Programs are based on mending the spirit, they are spiritual programs, not religious. These ana/mias are soul sick and the only thing that kept me sober and kept me from relapsing was a reliance and trust on something bigger and more powerful than I am. How will I help? By offering my experience, strength and hope. Can I help? I don't know. I'll know it when someone says "thanks, you really helped".

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Thanks for replying. I am not in control of my life. My higher power is. I not only lean on Him, He carries me. To work a twelve step program, I had to completely give myself to Him. I had to throw in the towel. I had to stop fighting. I had to completely surrender. It was the hardest and the most freeing thing that I have ever done, because just as with ana/mia, drug addiction is all about control. When I was in early recovery, I kept relapsing because in the back of my mind I kept thinking that maybe this time I can control my drug use. And I would take my will back and go out and use. And it would always nearly kill me. My disease always controlled me, not the other way around.

I know that if you don't have a relationship with a higher power or a God in your life, or whatever you want to call it, this all sounds pretty nuts. Like bible beating. Like the ravings of a religious fanatic. Believe me, I completely understand. If you go to AA's website, you will find the twelve steps there.

Before AA, I believed there was a God, but that he was not working in my life. Now I see that he has been with me forever. I was in nine car accidents in seven months, totalled three cars, was in the hospital at least three or four times overdosed (that I can remember), I was taking 150 pills in a two day period. And I am still alive to tell about it. I can't ask for much more proof than that. And I see this proof daily in other recovering addicts, people that were drinking a case of beer, or shooting 15 bags of heroin everday. And they have stopped. Now my life has purpose: to help the still sick and suffering addict.

I think your idea for a webite is very good. Best of luck with it and let me know if I can do anything to help.

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I don't think so, but I'm not 100% certain. From what I've read, there are 3 types of EDs: Anorexia, Bulimia and Binge Eating. Sometimes, maybe 20 – 30% of the time I eat a lot all at one time, but I wouldn’t call them binges, because I am in control. I think that I just simply consume more calories than I expend with activity. That I am simply overeating. I do not obsess about food or my weight. I am aware that I need to lose weight and that’s it. And when I’m ready to lose, I will attend Overeaters Anonymous and I will work the 12 steps of their recovery program. I will do it with the help of my higher power and other overeaters.

I forgot to post a quote to my reply above:

Religion is for people avoiding hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

Do you guys have EDs?