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Monday, October 25th, 2010

Posted by:chrissypills.
Time:8:43 am.
  Hello All,

I am in recovery from a life of restricting, purging, overexcersing, and hating myself. For once in the 20 years of my life, I actually feel good about myself!

Anyways, I've started a blog- a different approach to thinking about ED recovery: with intellectual curiosity.

Please read, hope it helps, and comment if it does or doesn't!

You are all so brave for working on making your life worth living!

-Christina Pillsbury

1 plea|please die ana

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Subject:Голодание для похудения, гречневая диета и многое другое
Posted by:75kg_ru.
Time:11:42 am.
Почти все мы стремимся выглядеть стройнее и красивее, лучше себя чувствовать и как можно меньше хворать. Большинству для быстрого получения результатов мешает ожирение, у многих излишка веса много. Пришло время понять и подумать о вашем здоровье, начать собой заниматься! Причин излишка веса множество - неактивный образ жизни, сидячая работа за компьютером, изобилие излишне калорийной и вредной еды, и много всего другого. Ожирение стало сейчас огромной задачей для людей крупных стран и нужно искать решение, нужно худеть, садиться на диету.

Правильный выход - вам необходимо понять и вести регулярный, здоровый образ ведения жизни. Только с помощью диет можно получить результат, если вы по окончании окончания диеты возратиться к предыдущему принципу жизни, то вес вернется, а можно сделать и даже хуже. Необходимо вывести все принципы здорового питания, уяснить какая пища нормальная, а что и какая плохая, понять и разобраться в том, что происходит внутри вас. Если имеется избыточный вес, то вам необходимо найти нужную методику, получить нормальные для вашего роста значений массы и в дальнейшем поддерживать правильный вес, а это как правило намного сложнее, чем его сбросить. Правильно подобранная, подходящая для вас, например гречневая диета, методика похудения поможет держать ваш вес, а также поможет избавиться от разных болезней.

Я приглашаю вас на блог о диетах и похудении, на котором вы найдете подробные описания основных диет, размышления по поводу ведения, полученым результатам, найдете отзывы опытных людей попробовавших эти и другие диеты. И кроме всего этого на этом сайте увидите разные рецепты пищи, пригодные под необходимую вам диету. Я сторонник диеты без углеводов, которая дала мне огромные результаты и с помощью которой я сильно похудел. Вы найдете полную таблицу продуктов подходящей для низкоуглеводной диеты, в которой они сортированы на типы и для каждого продукта указано количество углеводов, на минимальном потреблении которых и основана белковая методика похудения. Кроме этого вы найдете множество и других методик похудения, по группам крови, однопродуктовые и другие. Почитав материал на сайте вы сможите построить под себя нужный тип питания, может быть вам подойдет голодание для похудения, у вас получится добиться лучших результатов и быть таким(ой), о чем вы всегда хотели.

Хочу пожелать вам всегда достигать результатов, выглядеть лучше и всегда быть полностью здоровыми.
4 pleas|please die ana

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Subject:originally posted as a reply, thought it'd be good for anyone/everyone with or without this
Posted by:liivewiire.
Time:9:18 pm.

  i've lived this. time and again. not to its fullest extremes, but pretty damn close, inches away from them. so, i think i'm cured. but it took almost dying to realize i can't do this anymore. i cut off all of my friends, my sister STILL won't talk to me, it's been months, i put my family through hell, oh yeah, and i nearly dropped out of college, OH, but wait, i did drop out of college, after. but i fought through that first term with everything i had. i was completely isolated and no one effing understood. you're right about the mom not thinking it's a real problem and an exaggeration and whatnot. and it's even harder because in that state, you honestly cannot think. your brain isn't functioning, and oh, you forgot to mention that this helps you develop MAD ANXIETY ISSUES. stress on the mad part, alluding to INSANE. which then may also turn into a horrible case of OCD, oh yeah, and that's what caused it, and that's what helped it continue, and luckily, since i'd been through it before, i knew all i had to do to get better was eat, except no, this time was different, this time i took it too far, whereas before i'd done it in controlled periods of time and stopped when i wanted to, while i was still in control, this time i continued for too long and i lost control of myself, my mind, my environment and everything in it. the only thing i'm thankful for is that something really drastic and life-altering happened this young in my life, while i can still change my circumstances and move in a positive plane. i'm glad that for once its reality really hit me head-on and i was able to see this is not the way to do things, and i can't play around with this, not even for a second, cause that second turns into a minute, turns into an hour, to a day, to weeks, to months, to freaking forever. i just really feel the need to stress that you REALLY LOSE CONTROL. you don't think the way YOU do. it's like it's not your brain anymore. anyway, i think i've said enough, and i'm sure anyone who's been through this can totally relate and understands the meaning of losing control and not being your own person anymore, but rather a controlled outsider, completely blind to the insanity that takes over and becomes you. UNTIL YOU EAT. oh yeah, and it's not as simple as just eating again. you have to KEEP eating, and keep eating until your brain chemistry shifts back into a somewhat normal gear and you feel like yourself again. and by then, you'll probably have enough regrets stacked up, but you have to let them go and just be glad you're over it.
also, you're never the same.
stronger, yes.
but more messed up? yes.
it forever becomes a part of you.
oh. and the worst part?
you have to live with the fact that you and you alone did this to yourself for noooo goood reason. and you do realize that, AFTER, when you can't tke it back.
1 plea|please die ana

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

Posted by:hearxmyxroar.
Time:12:27 am.
2 pleas|please die ana

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

Posted by:findthehollow.
Time:5:34 pm.
I feel like if I could get rid of all reading materials and the internet and the tv, I'd be okay. I don't binge if I have to watch myself. I don't actually like the foods I binge on, but eventually my resolve slips and I wake up in a daze, realizing that I lost the last 3 hours on trash tv and a dozen empty jars and boxes surround me as proof of what I did. I know I can't be the only one who does this. I'm doing a lot better than I used to. I've only thrown up once in the last 30 days. That hasn't happened in 7 years. I just want to know, from other people that do/did this and people who've gained insight from therapy; why? What's the point of this?

x-posted to a few other communities.
1 plea|please die ana

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

Posted by:gackt85.
Time:12:38 am.
Hello, everyone!

I discovered this community when looking for a place where I can find some support. I'm 23 and really don't know what to do.

It all started two years ago when my boyfriend cheated on me and left. I just came back from the US where I gained weight. I am 5'4" and I was about 125 lbs back then. I was feeling ugly because I was too fat and began to starve myself. Eventually I got down to 100 lbs, my hips were 34 inches. My bones are pretty heavy since I was about 100 lbs only when I was 15. I have never thought about anorexia before the day I didn't find a pair of jeans my size when shopping.
But didn't wanted to accept the fact this could turn out somehow worse. Everybody around were telling me I looked all skin and bones. But I didn't pay attention coz being skinny really was making me happy and confident enough. I even got some proposals from modelling agencies to model in Asia.

Thanks god I met a perfect guy and we got married. After the marriage I gained some and currently my weight is around 116 lbs. I understand that this is quite normal weight but I sometimes I feel very fat. It's almost no longer possible to fit in a dozens of my skinny jeans of 0 size and I feel scary about buying a new pair one size bigger. It's like a nightmare when you are not skinny anymore and there is no self-esteem coming from that side. I know that it isn't anorexia yet, but it appears to be the beginning. I am about to start starving again in order to get back to that look again. Anyone who's been through this?

Thank you.
2 pleas|please die ana

Sunday, November 16th, 2008

Posted by:nchloe.
Time:5:54 am.
 Hi everyone!
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
please die ana

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

Posted by:mizbelle.
Time:10:12 pm.
I've seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving...

-Allen Ginsburg
3 pleas|please die ana

Posted by:angie25.
Time:4:36 am.
people on here really annoy me.  who are you to say that the pro ana sites are bad have you ever been on them or used them?  they are a strong support system for people living with anorexia.  it is somewhere i know that someone will understand my tourmant and fear.  if you take the time to look at the sites properly you will find that there are people in recovery as well as those still in the illness.  we do not spend the whole time telling each other how to lose weight- most of already know.  i know that without the support of the people on the site i would have ended my life several times by now.
granted there are people on there who want to lose a bit of weight but most of the time sufferers see that and don't respond to them.  i am behind you with regards the wannarexics but
all i am asking is that you think about this before saying that they are all bad.
18 pleas|please die ana

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

Posted by:lnschmit.
Time:2:10 pm.
so i was looking for a livejournal group about healthy weight loss... and i found this pro-ana websight... it amazed me the things these girls posted on here. i cant even describe it, you must see it for yourself. and then... out of no where, mixed in with all the thinsporation... i found this...

This had made such a difference to me and it is so true, i recommend that EVERYONE reads this:

So...you think starving is a good way to lose weight, do you? I think you've read too many fairy tales. Well, this isn't one. Neither are eating disorders. They are sheer & total hell. But, since you want one, I'll go ahead & prep you for it. I'll let you know exactly what will happen to you. If this doesn't make you realize how completely stupid running out there & trying to develop anorexia is, then I wish you the best of luck in killing yourself. Because that's all you'll be doing.

The completely ironic part about people trying to lose weight by starving is that half the time it does not work. I bet you think you'll wind up insanely thin & gorgeous, right? Wrong. You won't be gorgeous & you might actually GAIN weight. One thing's for certain though. Insane is a definite part of the package. Your mind won't be yours anymore. Kiss it goodbye, I hope you didn't enjoy it.
The less you eat, the lower your metabolism goes. You might starve & starve & barely lose anything...or you might be extra lucky...you might starve & starve & gain weight. Your body might just shut itself down & the weight go nowhere. & even though you aren't losing, you'll still be hooked. You still won't be able to stop. By the time your body shuts off from malnutrition, you'll be too far in it to *snap* think "Oh...this isn't working...I think I'll eat again." No...you'll be desperate & eat less & less & work out more and more. Eventually, you won't be ABLE to work out. Your muscles will eventually stop cooperating. Then you'll panic & try & eat even less to compensate for not being able to work your ass off (simply a figure of speech, since you're not losing any weight, of course). By then you can't eat less though. You're barely eating enough to stay alive as it is. & you can't stop. It isn't working & you still can't stop. & whether its working or not, you won't see the truth. You'll never actually know what you look like. Nope...no matter what you'll think you must weigh at least four hundred pounds. This is true if you weigh 150 or if you weigh 70. You will be fat. Insane is the proper term for it, isn't it? Yes, you might just be one of the lucky ones, one of the ones that doesn't lose weight. But don't sit there & think that means you won't be sick. Not true...not true at all. Your skin & hair will be dry, your teeth sore, your period gone, your bones aching, your muscles cramping...well, no need to go on. You still want this, of course. After all, you won't be like that. You won't be one of the failures. You'll be successful; you'll be thin & perfect. Beautiful.

Well, since you're going to win, why don't I tell you about your prize, hmm?? It's quite nice. You will be skinny. You will be sickly thin. Your ribs will stand out & your hipbones will be sharp. You won't see it. You'll look in the mirror & see fat. You'll see rolls. You'll look at girls who weight fifty pounds more than you & wonder why you can't be as thin as they are. You'll look in the mirror everyday & swear that you've gained at least ten pounds. Other people will see you shrink but you won't get to watch. You'll never see the truth. Others will though. You'll be sickly skinny...but you won't be pretty. & they'll all see that. You won't though...you'll be too busy staring at your ass & wondering when you turned into your fat Aunt Bertha. You will not be attractive. You won't. You'll have huge dark circles. Your skin will be pasty pale & have a lovely gray tint to it. Makeup will NOT help this. It won't, so don't think it will. Don't even bother to attempt it. You'll be wasting your time; time that could be better spent doing your usual pastime, staring into the pantry to watch the food. Of course, people might not notice that you're gray. They could be too busy staring at the dark black, blue, & purple spots you're covered in. Everything you do will result in a bruise. Everything. Do you have pretty hair? You won't anymore. It will be straw dry & dull. It will not shine. Think conditioner will help? It won't. It won't & there's no sense in trying it. It might soften your hair for a while (after you use half the bottle, of course) but it won't make your hair look any better. Buy a ponytail holder. You'll need it. You'll probably be wearing it all the time. You'll also need some hair dye. I sincerely hope your hair isn't a nice color....because it won't be soon. Yes...the color of your hair will fade out. You might even get grays. But gray is a nice color, isn't it? I rather like it. I think the grayish brown color where my natural red and blonde highlights used to be adds a bit of...oh...dignity to my look. Speaking of hair, do you like facial hair? I hope so. You'll have it. I have some lovely sideburns. Quite gorgeous. Actually, I have sexy hair everywhere. Fuzz, fuzz, fuzz. It's hot. All the guys love it and all the girls I know ask how to get some. They're jealous, you know. I tell them how I got it, starving. They never attempt it...I know why though. Its not because they're smart & healthy...no, no. Its because they're weak. Not strong like me. Of course, my muscles are deteriorating as we speak & I can no longer use even my five pound weights but I'm still strong, aren't I? Yes...because I don't eat. & that's true strength, isn't it? Denying yourself the basic fuel you need for life. Yup...strong & smart.
I bet you're one of those girls will the enviable natural nails. Those shiny ones that are so long people sometimes think they're fake? Cut them. Go ahead & cut them off now. They'll only break soon anyway. Kiss your newly gray hair goodbye too. It'll be falling out about now. You get to clean the drain about 6 times during your shower, just so the water will go down. Also, you'll need to find a way to throw away your tampons to make it look as if you've been using them. Remember to tell your mom to buy you tampons once a month. Can't have her knowing you lost your period. & you will. I hope you're not having sex because you'll never know if you're pregnant or not. I guess you can just take a test every few weeks. & yes...you can still get pregnant. I hope you don't love the baby though, because chances are you'll lose it. It would probably be for the best if you did though because of the nice birth defects caused by eating disorders. So, you might get to live with the knowledge that your child died or had to go through life with a terrible disability because of you...but it was worth it for thinness. A small price to pay for perfection, even though you're not the one paying it. Who needs their full mental capabilities anyway? I hope your kid doesn't. But that might not be a problem. You might never have children. You might become infertile. Oh well...pregnancy makes you fat anyway.
I don't enjoy sports. I used to. Not anymore...you won't like them soon either. Baseball? Nope. You won't be able to hit or catch. Goodbye reflexes & goodbye hand eye coordination. You won't be able to run enough to play basketball & if you play football you'll break your hip. Never needed that hip anyway. Your new plastic one will get you through just fine. Its not like your hip was going to stay intact forever, not with your shrinking bone mass. But the stooped look is good. I hope you think so, since you'll probably be sporting it by thirty. Since you're one of the special ones, one of the anorexic ones, I'll bet you enjoy ice water. Pour it out. Drink plain water, warm diet coke. It hurts too badly to drink iced drinks. You're taking sensitive teeth to a new level. Forget those special toothpastes though. They don't work when your teeth are slowly dying from vitamin deficiencies. Never liked those teeth anyway. Dentures are nice. How do you like to sit? Oh...you like your legs crossed? Hmm...too bad. Can't do that anymore. Your legs will fall asleep all the way up to your hips. Painfully asleep. This isn't like what you're used to, that tingly feeling. This hurts. A word of advice. After uncrossing them, just sit there. Don't try moving them or hitting them to wake them up. Bad idea...very painful.

Don't stand up either, unless you enjoy collapsing.
Which would be a good thing, since you'll also be doing that. A new hobby, falling. Your legs won't like holding you up anymore. Falling out from under you will be their new favorite activity. They'll like collapsing. You'll be spending alot of time on the ground. Fainting is common too. & don't think this is something you can hide. Whenever you pass out dead in the living room in front of your mom or brother they'll wonder why...and unless they're complete idiots they'll probably know why...especially if you're 30 pounds underweight. Get ready for nagging. Eat this, eat that, why are you doing this to yourself?? You could always go to your room to escape though. Then you can lie in bed & bite your lip until it bleeds...why would you want to do that, do you ask? Because of the leg cramps, of course...oh! I must've forgotten to mention those! Oooh...the cramps are nice. Your muscles are balled into excruciating knots. You'll double over to massage the knots out and...what? There are no knots. There IS no rubbing the knots out because there are no knots. It just feels like it. There's nothing you can do. You just get to lie there & try not to scream. & trust me...you'll want to. Of course, you could always rub your legs anyway...it might make you feel better to pretend there's something you can do to help them. But you might not be thinking about your legs...you might be distracted by the headaches. Take some aspirin...oooh...or don't. Your tummy's too empty; it'll only make you throw up everywhere.
Of course, you could always get your mind off the headaches & cramps by going to the bathroom. It's quite a novelty; you don't do it often anymore. Shitting has become a privileged activity. A painful one, but privileged all the same. Sometimes you'll double over in pain...& you don't have to be on the toilet to do this. Nope. This could be in class, bed, in your computer chair. You'll double over as you feel something extremely painful in your bowels. What is it? Its shit, that's what. Its shit, grinding like a rock of sandpaper against your intestines as it slowly moves. This happens again & again. Finally it manages to shove itself down so you can go to the bathroom. You make it there, in terrible pain, & take your shit. You get scared when you wipe your ass, because you see blood. But you don't tell. Nope, because telling is forbidden, asking for help is evil. Flush it away & pretend you aren't frightened beyond belief. But don't worry too much, this won't last forever. That's right, it goes away...but only because your shit also goes away. That's right, no more shitting for you. Nope. But wait...if you don't shit, what do you do? Why, you piss, of course, but not like you're used to. You get to piss in two ways now. The old way & the new way. Remember where the shit used to come from? Something else is coming out now. Water. That's right, water. I'm not talking diarrhea. I'm talking straight water, exactly as if you were taking a piss out of the usual place, instead of the new one. This will scare you too. But you still won't tell. Occasionally a few solids will spray out with it. Rather gross, huh? Oh well...it's worth it. Anything's worth it, even your hair, nails, bones, muscles, possible children, your family's heart, everything. Sacrifice it all, throw it all away. You're thin now, that's what counts, even though you don't know it.
You'll probably get chest pains. Maybe heart flutters. This is scary too, because you never wanted to die, you just wanted to be thin. But remember, you can't tell. Telling is forbidden & asking for help is weak.
Do you have problems with depression? You do now. The less you eat the more depressed you become. Partially from vitamin deficiencies, partially from your lovely eating disorder. Do you have problems with insomnia? That's right, you've got that now too. You're exhausted beyond belief but you still can't fall asleep...& when you do you can't stay asleep. Who needs sleep though?? Not you. Staying awake burns more calories anyway. Do you do well in school? You don't now. You can't concentrate. Your mind won't function, & the only thing you can actually think about is food anyway. Your grades will fall. Want to recover? You'll probably have to leave school. How does repeating a grade sound? Do you like going out with friends? You won't for long. You'll be afraid someone might notice how obese you are. You can't leave the house now without hiding under tons of clothes...you're terrified someone might see your repulsive body. You'll become more nervous too. Jittery. You'll also have difficulty talking. Oh...have you never had a stuttering problem? Well, you do now. You also forget what you wanted to say alot. Goodbye memory. And you can't go out with friends anyway, so I guess it's a good thing you no longer enjoy it. If you go out with friends they might want to eat! Maybe they'll want to go to a restaurant or the movies. How can you explain that you don't want any popcorn? How can you find an excuse for sitting there at the table sipping Diet Dr. Pepper or nibbling a salad & water while everyone else has cheeseburgers?? You can't. & they might make you eat. You can't do that...no. But why do they want you to eat? Is it because they care? No. Its because they WANT you to be fat!! How dare they?? They're jealous...that's it, they're jealous. Soon you'll realize something. Everyone wants you to be fat. Your parents, your siblings, teachers, friends. The world is against you & they all want you to spiral into morbid obesity. Get away from them. All of them. They don't understand & they're plotting your downfall. You can't have that, you can't lose this. Every time someone urges you to eat or recover "for your health" you know the truth. They hate you & want you to be fat. Push them away. Push away all the people who love you. That's the only way you'll ever be thin.

But one day this will be over. One day you will either die or recover. Death is easier. First you'll have to admit you need help (that is, on the chance that you haven't been forced into recovery...recovery that will not work until you cooperate). This is one of the hardest things you've ever done. Maybe you'll tell your mom. She might be wonderfully supportive, she might've already known. Or maybe she won't think you have a real problem. Then you're on your own. Maybe you'll tell your doctor. & if you tell your mom, she'll take you to a doctor. Then its better. You're safe now, they'll help you. They'll understand. Wrong. A degree is not an insurance against ignorance. & speaking of insurance, it only pays so much on mental health problems. And ED treatment costs are outrageous. So, even if you find a doctor that knows his ass from a hole in the ground you might not be able to get help. You might not be able to afford it. As you recover, your school might have to know. Your teachers will not understand. Students might find out. They won't understand either. Their comments will hurt, you'll want to scream when they ask why you don't just eat. They might call you fat just for fun. Someone might start to admire you & try to become anorexic too...but then, you've been there. You wanted to be anorexic once & you never realized how stupid you were. You know it now, but it's too late. Its too late & you have to fight this or die...& fighting it is the hardest thing you've ever done. You'll put food in your mouth, that disgusting, terrible food & panic & want to cry. Maybe you will cry. Maybe you'll freak & spit it back out. Maybe you'll refuse to eat & get a lovely feeding tube. Triggers are everywhere & you want to kill yourself more with each bite you swallow. Maybe you will kill yourself. Maybe you'll fight & fight & enter recovery only to die while in recovery or even afterwards from complications caused by your years of having an eating disorder. After fighting for the longest time, maybe you will get out. Maybe, after numerous slip ups & times that where so hard you thought you'd die, you recover. It takes a while. Even after you've eaten right for months & months your body still isn't the same. You start to wonder if it will ever be the same again. It might, but you won't. No. This will always be a part of you, it will never go away. Years later it will still be with you, you will still have those moments. Sometimes you'll pass a mirror & suddenly be 200 pounds larger. You'll panic & shake your head, trying to clear the image away. Something will happen in your life, maybe you'll lose your job. Something will happen to take away your control & you'll try to gain it back through starving. You will NEVER be the same. You'll see an article on a someone with an eating disorder & you'll start to cry, remembering that terrible pain. I'm not talking about the physical pain. That's the only pain I described, because it's the only part that's describable. There are no words for the mental anguish. It can never be described. It's unimaginable. You'll never feel another pain like that, another pain so filled with self loathing, vulnerability, terror, rage, desolation...
WHY do you want this?? WHY?!? I know, even after reading this, that you're still sitting there, wanting this. Why? What is it you want?? Is it beauty? Do you honestly think you won't be like this?? Do you honestly think malnutrition won't steal your looks? Is it glamour? READ THIS. Show me the glamour. Is it control?? Let me tell you, you'll NEVER be more out of control than you are when you have an eating disorder. You don't control what you put in your mouth. Hell, you don't even control your thoughts. You have NO control. None. Do you honestly think that you'll be able to do this & not wind up this way? Do you think you are the one person on earth who can control this, who can just stop??? Do you think that maybe you can just do this, get thin, & stop?? WRONG! It doesn't work that way. Do you WANT to die? Do you want to be a martyr or something? Do you think this is beautiful? I bet you think its some sort of tragic beauty. Its not. There's nothing beautiful about it. Do you want some attention? Buy a new eyeliner, dance naked in the streets. Needing attention is a natural thing but there are a hell of alot better ways to get it. Do you want to look at your family's faces & know that you're killing them too? Imagine watching your child killing themselves, imagine your helplessness, imagine KNOWING that they're dying & KNOWING that there's NOTHING that you can do. Imagine fearing the day you'll come home to find them dead from this. Just sit there & try to think about it. Of course, while you're starving yourself you won't see that anguish. You won't be able to. You can't see anything, you're too self absorbed. You're too busy thinking about your weight, about food. You'll see it when you recover though & you'll hate yourself for doing that to the ones you love. You'll wish there was something you could do to erase it but there is nothing. You just have to live with it...& living with it is hard. Especially when you think of how many times your anger came out on them, how many times you got nasty when they were only trying to save your life.
If you do this, one day you will wake up. One day you'll wake up & realize how much you wasted. Maybe you'll realize that you wasted your teenage years. That you threw away your chance at a normal education, possibly even college. You tossed prom, homecoming, parties, & friends out the window. Those times are gone & you can never get them back. Maybe you're older, maybe you threw your career away. You've probably screwed your job record completely & there is no erasing this. You'll regret this more than anything & there's nothing you can do about it….& there's nothing you can do to get back those wasted years. & do you know what? You probably won't even remember most of what occurred during those years. I don't.
You probably want this for the beauty, for the thinness. You probably hate yourself & think this is a way to fix it. Its not. Do you want to know about self-hate? Do you??? Then go ahead & start starving, because I can guarantee you that however much you hate yourself now, it's nothing, NOTHING, compared with how you'll feel about yourself once you get in this. You will despise yourself; you'll hate yourself more than anything. You'll hate yourself more every single day. You're the lowest scum on the earth. You deserve death but death is too good for you.
But do you know what? Self-hatred is the least of your worries now. Because you've likely just signed your own death warrant...& you likely don't even care...yet. But you will. You will care. You will care & you will cry & rage & swear you'd give anything to take it all back. But it's too late, because by the time you're in deep enough to care, you're already dying. Its too late to snap out of it now, no matter how much you want to.
This is the reality of anorexia, of NOS-anorexia. It is nothing like the powerful articles you read on how so & so overcame it. It is nothing like the beauty you see when you look at that thin model. It is nothing like that beautiful popular girl who naturally weighs 80lbs. It is nothing like anything you've ever lived before & you will never be the same.
7 pleas|please die ana

Subject:Fainting dieters delay NY subways
Posted by:mizbelle.
Time:1:40 am.
This is just fucked.

1 plea|please die ana

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

Subject:Research suggests large genetic pre-disposition for anorexia
Posted by:katelemon.
Time:11:06 am.
I was reading the newspaper and came across this article

How biology trumps image as cause of anorexia
Scientists now believe genes account for up to 70 per cent of risk of developing the disease
April 13, 2008
article under the cutCollapse )


original source
6 pleas|please die ana

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

Posted by:iheart8bit.
Time:11:18 pm.
A community basically for making fun of wannarexics and people who think eating disorders are cool. Thinking an ED is a great way to lose weight so they can look like people in magazines.
We're a bunch of eating disordered girls and boys, who are tired of all the people who think they have a disorder by skipping dinner one day. Fantastic place to join if you have a sense of humour and tired of people not respecting what an eating disorder really is about.
8 pleas|please die ana

Monday, March 31st, 2008

Subject:Eating disorder bloggers wanted for survey
Posted by:rachelr59.
Time:12:23 pm.
I am a current graduate student researching the social history of food-related disorders, inspired, in large part, from my own struggles with anorexia and bulimia.  I'm conducting an anonymous survey of bloggers who blog about eating disorders or eating disorder recovery in partnership with a clinical psychologist for joint research and publication purposes.

I'm hoping our survey generates lots of responses so that our findings are well-rounded, inclusive and convincing.  The only two requirements are that you must have an active blog and that it must address, at least in part, your experiences with an eating disorder.  I'm hoping for responses from people of all ages and genders who are in all stages of recovery and who suffer from a diversity of eating disorders, from anorexia to binge eating disorder to ed-nos to orthorexia. 

If the scope of the study pertains to your own experiences, I invite you to participate by taking it.  More information and a survey link can be found here or http://the-f-word.org/blog/index.php/2008/03/23/eating-disordered-bloggers-wanted-for-survey/

Thank you!

Rachel Richardson
please die ana

Saturday, March 29th, 2008

Subject:New here
Posted by:digidrama.
Time:12:14 am.
Mood: depressed.
I'm new here...
I've been going through a lot of rough things with my family lately... and I'm afraid I may be relapsing.

May be triggering... not sure.Collapse )
4 pleas|please die ana

Tuesday, March 25th, 2008

Subject:I wonder...
Posted by:desireit.
Time:12:18 am.
Mood: drained.
how do you look in the mirror and see the good parts of your body.  is it actually possible to see yourself as beautiful?
3 pleas|please die ana

Saturday, March 15th, 2008

Posted by:bubbles234.
Time:5:57 pm.

I'm new here, but I wanted to post the reason I joined.

5 pleas|please die ana

Friday, March 14th, 2008

Subject:"Maybe" Recovery
Posted by:god_luvs_us.
Time:3:03 pm.
Mood: grateful.

I was on the pro ana website today and here is the biggest problem that I have: of all the advice and “tips” the members there give each other, no one ever suggests RECOVERY!  Even the members who have been in recovery.


One user wrote this:


In the time i've been a member here people have...
-stopped me from sticking a razorblade into myself
-stopped me from sticking my fingers down my throat and forcing myself to be sick
-stopped me from thinking that killing myself was the only way out
-given me advice on absolutely everything... family, friends, guys, health etc
-not to mention the number one reason we come here...for support and advice on this (and various others) stupid, hellish and unbearable disease,
-and thats just what i can think of right now!


But no one has ever mentioned to this girl: “Maybe recovery”


Now believe me, when I was in active addiction, the last thing I (thought) I wanted was to give up my drugs. If anyone in my family (normal, non-using people) ever suggested rehab to me, I got the hugest resentment.  But I think if I had someone like me suggesting recovery, I might have been more open to it sooner.


Eventually I became more afraid of living with drugs than living without them. I feared for my life daily and feared I would burn my house down with my aunt living next door (I am a smoker). I weighed one hundred and four pounds and five foot six.  I thought of suicide everyday.


By getting sober I found out my primary purpose:  to help other recovering drug addicts.


And hopefully a few ana/mias.



7 pleas|please die ana

Thursday, March 13th, 2008

Subject:Hope I Can Help
Posted by:god_luvs_us.
Time:11:06 am.
Mood: grateful.


I'm new and a little computer user un-friendly, please bear with me.  thanks.  Here's what I wrote in my journal:

First, I'm so happy I found this site. I don't know if I have an ED, but I am overweight, I am definitely an emotional eater and I may have a sugar addition (still not sure). I came across (accidentally) the other "pro ana" community and felt so compelled to help these girls and guys. I don't know if my experience will help anyone but I feel I must try. I am a recovering addict - 3 1/2 years sober. I am interested in the "addiction aspect of ana/mia" - being addicted to loosing weight. Being an addict, I can totally related to the hiding and wanting to protect your disease, the guilt,  that no one else "understands", feeling judged, the controlling behaviors (counting calories, planning menus, etc.), the suicidal thoughts and behaviors, the self-hatred, the hopelessness and the despair. For me to recover, I had to surrender to a form of recovery and get a higher power. I'm very happy now. My life is manageable, for the most part, and I have people surrounding me that really care and love me. My family trusts me completely again, which has been one of the biggest rewards. I hope I can help. Thanks and God Bless.


3 pleas|please die ana

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Subject:My Official Report And Opinion
Posted by:1nvisibletears.
Time:6:34 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
My Official Report And Opinon [on pro-ana communities]

So I just checked my email and read all the responses to the question I posed about what anti-ana is. I personally don't have anything for it or against it yet but I want to do more research. I've spent a lot of time in the pro-ana community, although I'm not anorexic and have never had an eating disorder. I have other similar issues though (major depression, bipolar disorder, ocd, add, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, ethnophobia, insomnia and supposedly a personality disorder, however I would prefer to say that my condition is chemical and not psychological because although I am miserable a lot, I'm still level headed and sensible). Anyway, I started hanging out in the ana communities because I'm always looking for support groups, but I have such a myriad of issues going on that it's hard to find a niche. I also  was drawn to how accepting the group mentality is, and probably also that I'm one of the older people there (maybe that makes me feel more secure or something, I don't know). As for my condition, I do take medication and although I'm well managed I still feel quite poorly most of the time. So, I ran into this community on here today and I started thinking about both sides of the ana issue. I have personally never paid much attention to it even though I was smack dab in the middle of it because I've felt that most of their site content does not apply to me, however I do enjoy certain forums and chats. Okay, this is going to be long but I think I have some important concepts to bring up.

I thought I would give my two cents here since I'm probably not the average or typical person associated with ana content at all. I feel pretty neutral about it, because I really don't think it hurts anyone unless they want to be hurt. I've been friends with hundreds of different girls on these sites now for several years and I've yet to see a victim. There are two types of common profiles. First, I want to talk about the girls who don't have eating disorders, however they claim that they do, and are a large population in the community. Most of them are under 18. What I see all the time is incredibly disturbed girls with terrible coping skills. Most of them are needy and enjoy talking to me because I'm 21, laid back, just hanging out online and don't mind listening to them. I usually have to hear about bad parent-child relationships, incredibly poor self-esteem but also a lot of their behavior reflects a manner of attention-seeking. Only rarely do they actually have an unusually low or dangerously low weight. Most of them are physically healthy, but also slightly overweight. To get attention, they will say things, for example, like that they intend to go and drink an entire bottle of ipecac to purge. I'll mention the lethality of that and they will try and argue with me, making things more and more dramatic, tending to try to argue their "right" or "freedom," basically a lot of "you can't make me or control me!" So there is definitely a major factor of passive aggressive rebellion. Perhaps they like to play this game with anyone who will play along because it allows them to act out a parent-child relationship problem by putting me or whoever else in the parental position of eldership and then proceed to act out in the way the wish they could with their own parent or older family member who they have a disturbed relationship with. It seems like a release of frustration and desperation. By the way, I don't talk to girls like this anymore. After about one month of figuring out these types, I will now just block them immediately, which is unusual for me because, like I said, I'm just really laid back and don't mind talking to strangers with problems. I have a lot of patience, but not for this kind of non-sense. Once a girl tried to rile me up by saying she was going on a fast of no liqiuds for ten days. I knew that she knew it was a crock, and I didn't feel like entertaining her so I just kind of said, "Oh. Okay." She immediately spun out of control saying that no one loved her or cared about her. I minimized the IM box and later reopened it discovering a long and passionate one-sided conversation that had gone on without me. There is also a large population of girls who come into the chatrooms to ask how to "get it up" or ask something similar in which they ask for purging instruction, leave the chat, return and report success or failure, often with colorful descriptions of the process. Sometimes there is group purging. It's just that the girls honestly seem to love it - purging in specific. I think this is because when you're a fifteen year old girl, the "bravery" of doing something so condemned excites them, makes them feel hardcore or special, and once the physical act has happened, they then get a rush of dopamine which rewards them for their behavior. To sum this up, these girls are miserable and depressed, for sure, but I think that a lot of their efforts and behaviors are indicative of psychological disorders, rather than eating disorders. I believe the majority of these anas are not actually anorexic or bulemic. To them, it's just the throw-up game or something. I have actually read about about, "the throw-up game" in a psychology textbook that was explaining abnormal social cohesion through purging, passing one another out, punching or hitting one another, cutting each other as well as themselves and even some bizarre cohesion that involves unusual sexual situations. Oh, and these are the girls that are into tips, tricks, suggestions, instructions and directions. They are usually the authors of the pro-ana sites that seem the strangest - their sites seem more like a vanity/lonlienes club with "right" ways to purge or restrict, bizarre tips and preoccupation with red ana bracelets.

The second, and other main profile type of anas in the pro-ana communities are girls mostly 18 and older who genuinely have eating disorders. These girls are not interested in tacky things like tips, tricks and thinspiration. Most of them are insulted by the phony, younger crowd. Their websites have content more along the lines of lists of negative calorie fruits, BMI calculators, and scientific articles on "systematic underfeeding" or "entering keytosis" and other complex articles on dieting that pertain to nutritional science and weight loss theory. I've made friends with quite a few of these girls and they're ill but very genuine and mature. If it weren't for them, I would have no reason to ever go in any ana chatrooms anymore. I really only put up with having to ignore the bizarre munchkin types because I have long-standing friendships with a fair group of the older girls who are worth the inconvenience. They will discuss how much they weigh, a current diet they're on or how guilty they feel from binging, but they don't stir anything up over it and seem to prefer confidentiality with a couple members vs. talking about much in the main flow of chat. If the topic in the chat is something that can actually be discussed and debated, they will participate in group conversation.

So, my conclusion to this is that I'm trying to give a realistic portrayal of the ana community from an insider's perspective. I'm trying to assess whether or not I'm pro-ana,  or if I'm anti-ana or completely neutral. I do feel mostly neutral about it because I believe the first type of girls I described are disturbed, but they are having fun at the same time, want to be there and enjoy the club-like atmosphere. These are the girls that everyone assumes are vulnerable to the scene, but I see it just the opposite. They clearly do not have eating disorders and I've never seen any of them actually develop an eating disorder while, however, it's obvious that they're trying to "catch" an ED which is probably part of the acting out issue. The result is becoming upset, distraught and angry at themselves because they can't mimic the behavior of an anorexic because that's just not what they are and starvation is obviously uncomfortable and unedurable to people without eating disorders. As for whether or not the general atmosphere is dangerous to them, I would say, yes, moderately, in that they have their little purging parties. They also love to get into cyber cat fights and pick on one girl and get completely aggressive and verbally vicious, just like a pack of hyenas.  However, I don't think it would matter or make any difference if they were not in pro-ana chatrooms. They are drawn there because they are already sick. I don't think they become any sicker. It's just that they choose that setting as an outlet for whatever their problem is. If they didn't have the chat, I'm sure they'd be doing something just as destructive anyway, like self-injury, running away from home, sneaking out at night, usings drugs and alcohol, getting pregnant, going on wild and manic sex binges or submitting to the will of an older, violent boyfriend they, "love." The other type of girls are embarrassed by the behavior of them, and mostly dislike the typical websites with pictures of emaciated women and advice like smoking cigarettes to curb hunger. They use the chat and forums to relate to one another during deeply depressing and difficult times. I think the communities have probably saved some lives for those that are seriously ill with eating disorders and would otherwise, have no other support group. Finally, I think the issue I'm debating right now is really a chicken and egg situation in reference to whether the sites attract people who are already sick or if the sites cause people that come there to get sick.

Finally, my official opinion is that these pro-ana groups have little to no effect on visitors or members and that censoring or banning any of their content is just concealing the problem and trying to look away. Pro-ana portrays a very grim picture of something going on within our society amongst adolescent girls. I do not and will never support censorship of any speech, literature, press, web content  or suppression of any club or group. It is just so sad to see how disturbed these people are and you have to wonder where their parents are in that they often spend hours upon hours in the chatrooms all day. So, I'm going to hang around this group for a while because I've become quite interested in this issue and would like to pursue it further. By the way, I'm an anthropology major and a sociology minor with a second minor in psychology. Could you tell? ;-) Haha, sorry if I wrote too much or over analyzed. I'd appreciate any feedback, comments or questions in relation to this theory. Thanks!
14 pleas|please die ana

LiveJournal for Against the Rise of Pro-ED and its Influences..

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